...i seem to post alot...in one day...

...this is driving me insane...im tearing for no DAMN REASON...
what da heck is goin on wit me...
this...is crazy!!...im losin it man!!..im losin it!! call...INDIANA JONES!!!
lol...

but...it feels soothing...its washing away...
like summer sweat...
dont know if you feel the same...but wow...
guess theres a time for everything...

im listenin to sum old Eminem tracks...
hot tears goin down...
hope i can really CLEAN up my CLOSET...
haha...

if there is any1 actually reading these...
crazy insane posts...
i hope ur havin fun...haha...

yes even you popz...

ok gona crash now...

good mornin n buh bye!!

*over*

once more..a song has shot right thru me..man..it feels so..
pain...
.........................................................................................................
Close my eyes
Lay down to sleep away
There's no return
It's my mistake
There's no use in crying
It's time to learn

If you ever need someone
Sorry `bout the things I've done
My life goes in reverse
If you ever change your mind
When the rainy days are gone
And the balance returns

All alone
This time I walk away
It feels so cold
But I know it's something I deserve
I deserve to be misled
Breaking up the family
I know it's my fault
It feels so cold
But I know it's something I deserve
I deserve to be dead

If you ever need someone
Sorry `bout the things I've done
My life goes in reverse
If you ever change your mind
When the rainy days are gone
And the balance returns

Sorry `bout the things I've done (sorry `bout the things I've done)
Changes will come in the fall
Waiting for the storm, my face against the wall
Hoping that you could forgive me
You could forgive me
You could forgive me
Forgive me

If you ever need someone
Sorry `bout the things I've done
My life goes in reverse
If you ever change your mind
When the rainy days are gone
And the balance returns

.............................................................................................................
this song..is done by...
The Rasmus..
its called..
If You Ever...
its special..
to me..

haha...
it really fits...

...ive crossed out myself...i wish for your answer...ive turned myself inside out...i thank you for your heart felt nudge!!

..im sure you have bled before..but hav u ever cried out blood tears??...
yeap...bout 12 hours ago..i teared blood from my eyes..never felt so..weird..
went n check on the net..it seems to be a natural phenomenon when a blood vessel near the eye
sockets contract...it happens either due to impact or overdose of pressure..n sumtimes..
just sumtimes..it happens randomly..

dont know the actual cause of mine..it felt like..being washed away..i realised one thing..
never take for granted what you have..once you've experienced this level of heart ache..
feeling that you've become what you despised..knowin that you can NEVER turn back the clock..
knowin that the problem is right THERE smiting you in the eye...
dont give up..

the saying that we are all just human comes into play..im not using this as a trump card..
im torn asunder..ripped to shreds..but i'm glad dat we hav gotten our groove back on..
im glad that we can maintain a convo..im glad that you are so strong..
i thank HIM for helping you..i thank HIM for the pain he made me go through..
i have learnt that friendship is pure..as it always shall be..
something just touched me..something ive never felt so strong..
a gesture from above..which pulled me along..i cried n pleaded for a sign..
guess you actually get it..i felt the urge to repent..to accept the penance..
to take the plunge..so i take this vow..in the highest of spirit..once more..
im sorry..to you..n you...

i take a vow for eternity..

if i ever break our promise again..
YOU will never see me again..
i will disappear forever..
my story will end..
i will give myself to HIM to be judged..

i will cherish all that we have..
i will forever be in your debt..
i have changed my entire being..
i have driven out what tortured me..
i am now who i really am..

i love you..n you
purely and truly!!
like a brother loves a sister..
nothing less..
i will go the distance and redeem what ive destroyed..

HE has picked me up from my carapace..
HE brushed my tears away..
HE wiped of my blood stains..
and HE said to me..

'you have fallen..and now you must rise..I gave you the gift of friendship..
and now you must keep it lit..do not let this destroy what you cherish..
both of you have kept it going..overcome your grief..console your other..
live on with this great gift..my son..
NEVER..take friendship in vain..love them..
ALL..the same!'

i thank God..you...and you..for keepin this kickin..its been a wild ride..
ive caused all of us so much pain..i wont look back..not anymore..
i want to live the good life..with you all..
i love all of you..without a doubt..
i will never repeat this clot..

so at last i end with these final words..
all this time..
i exist..but never existed..
i live..but never lived..
i love..but never loved..

but now..

im glad..to know you n you..
im glad..to be friends with you n you..
im glad..that we have pulled through..
im glad..that HE caught my soul..
im glad..he warmed me through..
im glad..he taught me about you n you..
im glad..he showed me how foolish i was..
im glad..im no more what i was..
im glad..i have thawed my heart..
im glad..it beats for love..
im glad..we made it work..
im glad..im alive to see it through..
im glad..im still a friend to you..

i thank..you n you..
i love you n you..
through n through..
notins gonna change my love for you n you..
i was all out of love..so lost without you n you..
but now i am worthy of friendship..with you n you..
and without a doubt..

I LOVE YOU N YOU!!
no matter what..no matter when..
i will forever be your FRIEND..

c ya soon..
boss maa'm..
n ur highness..

and thank you for everything
..it really..
means alot..

(babuji..i know ur reading this..dont worry k..its all good..haha..
i know where you live..hehe)

...cant believe it....

...never saw myself as that kind of person...destroyed everything...im not a person...
im a monster...the one person who kept me going no matter what...and i ended even that...
i dont know what to do...sorry is not enough...how could i be so blinded...is this what a mortal sin feels like...how do i atone for it...

im sorry...so so sorry...i cant think of any way to make it up to you...ive broken everything that
meant the world to me..took advantage of what i never should have...i dont know what to do...
i dont know what to say...sorry bout the things ive done...i cant turn back time...i cant rewind the clock..what can i do to make it up to you...im so sorry...please forgive me...i do not deserve one bit of it...ive broken everyting...tears flow down...tears i thought id never shed...but i dont even deserve remorse...id give anything to take away what ive done...please...find it in your heart to forgive me...this friendship is wonderful...but ive soiled it...

so im sorry...so very sorry...if i ever get forgiveness...i will never let sin rule me again...


...please...forgive me...

..i got tagged again..

well...wat do u know..i got re-tagged..since im in a much much better mood den the earlier one..
i took it off..so here is how it goes!!

1) What do you want the most now?
...for life to quit being such a double edged sword..every time sumtin goes so well..suddenly another thing happens n shatters the entire thing..i want my dudes n dudettes who are havin
a hard time to be blessed with relief..there are those who i care about..but just dont know how to tell them without them getting the wrong idea..haha..all the best to you guys..
academic intuition is a must..gotta ace this exam!!..and lastly...
peace of mind...

2) Who is the person you trust most?
..hmm..i got me a few..Ive got God..and well super kawans frm church..
you know who you are..*cough*baskin robbins*cough*..*V-Brace*hehe..you know who you are!

3) Are you in love?
Now?..hmm..nope..cant love with a cold heart..waitin for that angel to come and melt the ice
which shackles my core..

4) If you can have a dream come true, what is it?
...to correct my mistakes...before they cause harm to myself or to those around me...

5) Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
...like DUH!!..its a natural phenomenon!

6) What's your goal for this year?
Ace SPM...an unfrozen heart..and for my ab's to unsink..lol!! oh and doing all i can to help the 08 team do a super job at this year's rally!!

7) Do you believe in eternity?
...endless joy and peace to those who deserve it..yeap i do..and i hope He sees it fit for me to go..

8) If you ever fall in love again, would u take the plunge?
...hmm...at this point in time..im at a cliff..if dat person is willing to jump with me..then i would never hesitate..to me love is pure..it should never be used as a game..if i ever fall in love again..
that lady would definitely be...a friend...

9) What kinds of feelings do you love the most?
the joy of pure friendship..the feeling of content with all that you have..the feeling when your surrounded by love..warmness of the soul..

10) What are the requirements from your other half?
...loyal...caring...willing to go the distance...love me for what i am...and well..good looks would be a nice little side-dish..haha..but its what's inside that matters..if your a healthy female thats good enuff for me!!haha

11) What kinds of feelings do you hate the most?
hmm..i'd say..the feeling that there is no one for you to go to..and yes being shunned and ignored..it burns my every being..and the feeling when the problem is right there grinning at you in the face..and there is nothing u can do about it...

12) Do you cherish every friendship of yours?
..even till nothing remains of me..the friendship i possess will NEVER go away..

13) What do you want to do in the future?
hmm...forensic accounting!!..its the fun of accounting..without the long hours of accounting!!
investigation is fun!!its like CSA aka Crime Scene Accounting..haha..and well writing and script making for video games or movies..yeap!!

14) What is the most important thing in your life?
Faith..Family..Friendship..Fun..(some of you might know where this line comes from!!)

15) What do you feel last night?
...exhaustion...

16) Who do you hope to be always there for you?
...you know who you are...

17) When do you think the world will end?
...when it ends...DUH!!..im not God..but when u gotta go..well..you gotta go...

18) The world ends tomorrow. What will you do?
...hehe...PARTY LIKE A ROCKSTAR!!...and live life to the max..the right way!!

19) What do you think of the person who tagged you?
angela..is...cheery..bubble..pippy.. and a whole lot of female!!..she's a super fren..gr8 to hand out with..she got the looks..she got the glam..she got the brains..as far as i can say..she's the WHOLE package!!..haha..but she got BF adi...so TOUGH LUCK GUYS!!..lol!!

20) What do you want to know right now?
...tell me why are we so blind to see...that the ones we hurt...are you...and me...

These ppl...shall be...TAGGED!!!

1)Ivy Nattasha Philip
2)Patrick Wong (Star Fish!!)
3)Brandon
...well dont really wanna kacau any1 else...

laterz den...

...posting the post....

not any sunday..its MOTHER'S DAY!!..

Saturday:
my dad n me bought mum a super cool ladybird flower thingy at sic from da form 4 confirmands..
so nice..actually...i got my dad to buy after plotting with Caren..we attacked him as soon as mass ended..haha..he had no choice..
after mass..we went to sunway..to give mum a super dinner..
ate at the Manhattan Fish Market..awesome as usual..
den went to the music store and got a new pair of drumsticks..so pretty!!
my old ones snapped..sniff..these new ones are black with plastic heads..real nice!!

Sunday:
came to sic..met up wit da gang..super!!..saw sum of the new team members comin wit big smiles on their faces..lol..so fun and nostalgic..den class was gona start..was a diff teacher..dont remember his name..but we knew one thing..class was gonna be a DRAG..so aaron lim n me cabut to cc..i did not want to..but well..temptation got the better of me..sadly...went cc..played
COD:4..aaron has improved..ALOT..but the only reason he could kill me was cuz he was usin custom guns..he play standard den he die..i still got more points anyway!!haha
den daniel came..we played CnC3 Kanes Wrath...im super rusty at dat game..so we got creamed..den we played COD:4 again..danny is good..real good..i can safely say we are evenly mathced..give or take..but den he used his data..and made his character super GAY..as in boosted..not fair..i usin standard all the way..so yea..game went on..played wit sum guyz ther..all modded..aizz..im the only 1 usin standard..towards the end i got owned..i got mad..play serious!!
killed them all..and before i knew it..it was 1.40...dam..was supposed to go and see the new team!
checked wit steph...turns out it was over..and every1 balik..even nicholson balik wit patrick..aizz
went to mamak..lepak..alone so bored..

den mom came..went to summit..bought 2 belts..one for school n formal wear..one more..yes!!
finally bought a new ROCKER belt..my old one rosak..yay!!..back to rock..haha..den went home..
tidur..woke up..did sum pumping exercises..bout 40x..tiring la..i gotta get my abs back!!
MUST MUST MUST..before camp at least...haha..took a shower..tried studyin bio..got bored..
haizz..the fever still hasnt hit me..man..borin sunday..oh well..now to wait for next week!!
so yea..oh well...dats it i guess..

'He who makes a beast out of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man-
Bat Country by Avenged Sevenfold

...a song maybe??..comment ya?

well..i wrote this last year..but its gone through numerous edits..so yea..here's how it goes..
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Took from me all that I had
With my soul and spirit dead
Killing everything in me
Name me one reason to believe

Now to drive away the pain
I'll destroy all that I disdain
I'll become what I despise
Living someone elses life

Chorus:

Don't ever back down
Don't ever turn around
My end has come
So now I come for you
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now obsession rules my mind
This commotion makes me blind
Searching out who ever runs
Or has stolen away my life

But i've already said
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Don't ever back down
Don't ever turn around
My end has come
So I come for you
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
]Scream-Solo[
AHHHHH

You trip on everything
I'll take your entire breath
I can't feel anything
I live to see you to your death

Your heart will bleed
A death not fast nor quick
Through your tortured carapace
Cuz I'll never back down
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chorus:
Don't ever back down
Don't ever turn around
My end has come
So now I come for you

(Don't back down)

I'll drive you down
I'll beat you into the ground
My end has come
So now I come for you

DON'T BACK DOWN!
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

its a modification of a song from the Punisher soundtrack..i modified quite a bit....
let me know what u tink..the only thing which i left is the chorus..cuz its perfect jus as it is!!
its an Alternative Metal song..so yea..there is a scream solo..
comment please..i wanna know ur thoughts!!

Adapted from : The End Has Come - Ben Moody - The Punisher Soundtrack

........................................................................................................................................................................

The SEX Talk..turned out better than i thought....haha

..well..it was like any other Sunday..came to church...met up wit da gang..lepak..chit-chat..
the whole works..had fun..as usual!!!..class was ok..kinda borin..but it was OK!
next we were suppose to go for lunch..BUT..Jonathan, Aaron and me high-tailed to the mamak for a quick drink..and then we went to the Cyber-Cafe! wait here is the good part..
*ahem*
we walked past the mamak..and hid behind the lorries waitin for Aaron's mum to pass..next we walked towards Dataran Prima while Aaron was on the phone with Timothy..gettin directions..
from here on..I have no idea who to blame..we spent 40 ****in minutes searchin for da CC in the
blazin heat..its torture i tell you!! Lucky i was wearin long-sleeves..if not..i would have lost what's left of my complexion..LOL..i do not know who to blame..Aaron for not understanding Timothy or
Timothy for not givin proper directions..after 40 mins of wild hunting..i grabbed the phone and asked Timothy to tell me the directions..i then brought us to the CC with ease in under 10 minutes..i know im good at directions..but this is RIDICULOUS!!! (hehe..perasan alert!!)

now here is the fun part..Aaron and me then played Call Of Duty 4 : Modern Warfare..
Aaron was braggin dat he was super pro at it..well..here is how it went..
he took da 1st kill cuz i was on the phone..then after dat..i owned all the way..nailin 35+ kills in under 10 minutes..haha..he was dumbfounded..da last kill was da best..i blew him up with a grenade launcher!! He could not believe it..LOL

Then we started playing with the local pro..sum dude called khaisin..well he was good at SNIPING..any moron can do that!! so i made it a personal vendetta to take him out. and i did..
the match was Free-For-All..so kill or be killed..aaron tried gettin cheap shots at me..but it didnt work all the time..hehe..after 10 minutes of insane battle..we came to a tie-breaker between khaisin and me..he was about to snipe we when i saw him..he shot..it hit me on the shoulder..as my character fell into a death pose..i shot a grenade launcher..it blew him off the building..so i WON!!..WHEE..da guy looked at me from across the com table..and gave me the thumbs-up..i smiled and did the same..haha..felt good..final score was..aaron 3rd(hahahaha)..khaisin 2nd..and me the CHAMP!!..jonathan sed that my play style is cool..i jus laughed..i was havin fun so i did not care!!..haha..now from there we ran out of the cc and headed to the church..

we had a quick wash up and a drink from the Fountain Of Youth(lol)..den we rushed to the 2nd floor..we went in awkwardly as everyone stared..i quickly went and sat at a table with Kevin, Stephanie, Praveena and Vanessa.

Sister Angeline was very good throughout the talk..i mean sex is cool and all..but she got us thinking outside the box..haha..den Karisha came in..we havent really talked before so today we did..haha..she's a nice person..lol..dam funny lar talkin wit her!!..lol..Sr. Angeline then asked some comments about making a girl pregnant before marriage..there was this smart aleck who said dat it was a FASHION..he thought it would be funny..i seriously felt like smashin his skull..tryin to be funny on such a serious subject..no one laughed..in fact everyone gave him the look!! haha!! Next we had a tea-break..

i just remembered i did not eat lunch..so i ate with major appetite..had a rojak meal..of mee..meehoon and koay teow!Uncle Richard belanja wad..so syiok eat onli lar!!..THANK YOU UNCLE RICHARD!!chatted wit da guyz too..Alan..Sanjieeve..Edward..Nicholson..Benedict and da rest..Alan finally has some decent hair growth haha..we cracked jokes and had fun!!

next was the graphic part of the talk..Sr.Angeline showed some VERY disturbing yet VERY true photos..of Sexually Transmitted Diseases..Abortions and how its done..it really got us thinking and it certainly changed our view on the subject..next was a small game of pin da dot on the blur person..lol..lazy to elaborate lar..this post is super long as it is..as the session wrapped up we said a vow and wrote our signatures on a chastity paper..so we are not to have pre-maritial sex till after marriage..haha..ALL THE BEST PEOPLE!!...then chatted with Stephanie..Nicholson..Brandon and the rest..we had a group photo and then we closed the talk!!!
there was supposed to be a feedback session but my pops called sayin he was already waiting..
so i sed bye to the gang and left..

It sure was one heck of a day..The Quest For The Lost Cyber-Cafe and The Return To SIC..
sure was fun..and so i draw this post..to a close..

laterz....

...i STILL wanna hold you...

this song had so much meanin..back then...

You ask me if I love you
And I choke on my reply
I'd rather hurt you honestly
Than mislead you with a lie
And who am I to judge you
On what you say or do?
I'm only just beginning to see the real you

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

Romance and all its strategy
Leaves me battling with my pride
But through the insecurity
Some tenderness survives
I'm just another writer
Still trapped within my truth
A hesitant prize fighter
Still trapped within my youth

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

At times I'd like to break you
And drive you to your knees
At times I'd like to break through
And hold you endlessly

At times I understand you
And I know how hard you've tried
I've watched while love commands you
And I've watched love pass you by

At times I think we're drifters
Still searching for a friend
A brother or a sister
But then the passion flares again

And sometimes when we touch
The honesty's too much
And I have to close my eyes and hide
I wanna hold you til I die
Til we both break down and cry
I wanna hold you till the fear in me subsides

and now..i realize..it still does..sum marks jus run too deep..
man..this is intoxicating..haha